**As a belated 2015 New Years Resolution, I decided I would write a daily (or, almost daily, I know some days I just wont be able to find the time) blog answering a thought provoking question from a long list of questions I found here in a quest of self exploration.
Today’s Chosen Question :
Who do you sometimes compare yourself to?
I try very hard to not compare myself to any specific individual because I know that’s just setting myself up to feel inadequate. Sometimes though, its really hard for me not to compare myself to certain types of ideals in general.
I am not very fond of my upbringing for a lot of reasons, but when it is an issue of comparison I find myself resenting the role that I was inadvertently brought up to believe I should play in society. When I was young, I was “taught” that my life should go as follows :
I would graduate High School and then attend a four-year university. While in college I would meet and begin dating my future husband. I would graduate, get married to said husband, work for a few years and then have babies at which time I would then quit my job, raise the kids and let my husband financially support us. Thats what my Mother did, and thats what all of our surrounding suburban neighbors did so naturally as a child thats how I thought the world worked.
The problem was, even at a very early age I never felt I fit into the ‘mold’ of that particular lifestyle and since I wasn’t really exposed to other lifestyles until I was older, I grew up feeling inadequate. I was afraid there was something wrong with me because I never felt like I fit in and the life I was taught to have was a life I didn’t really want.
As an adult, I know logically that there are countless different lifestyle choices and your worth and value is NOT connected to whether or not you choose marriage and children, how much money you make or what your career choice is, but knowing that in a logical sense can conflict with ideals you were sort of engrained with as a child and it can be a pretty intense ongoing inner struggle.
I think that the only time comparison is ever healthy or positive is when you compare yourself to yourself. Its not about what other people have done or are doing, because no one has walked in your shoes but you. Its not about what other people want for you, because even if they love you, no one truly knows whats best for you but you. I have personal goals I want to accomplish this year and when 2016 rolls around I want to be able to look at myself then and compare myself to who I am in this moment and feel like I have improved, but as far as comparing myself to others… as tempting as it might be, its a negative thing and it usually ends up with a person feeling unnecessarily bad about themselves. So look at your own life, consider your past, aim toward the future, and be the most genuine YOU that yo can be. The only comparison that should be in your mind is between who you are now and who you want to be.
Kell Frillman - Author 