**As a belated 2015 New Years Resolution, I decided I would write a daily (or, almost daily, I know some days I just won’t be able to find the time) blog answering a thought provoking question from a long list of questions I found here in a quest of self exploration.
Today’s Chosen Question :
What can you do today that you were not capable of a year ago?
This is a good one, and the answer is very simple. WALKING AWAY.
Walking away has never been an easy decision for me to make. I make it when I have to, when there are few other options in a negative situation, but in a lot of situations I want to compulsively fight; stand up for myself, call people out on their BS etc. I have a hard time hearing things about myself that aren’t true and NOT trying to correct whatever is being falsely said.
The past few weeks have been especially trying on me because I recently more or less walked out on my roommate. She has a lot of psychological issues; extreme Borderline Personality Disorder, eating disorders, etc and over the last few months she had begun acting increasingly paranoid, accusing me of stealing or breaking things (the cats would knock something over and she would tell people that i must have done it because i must be mad at her and I am trying to punish her, or that I was stealing her psychiatric drugs when she knows I have a personal aversion to western medicine, things like that) but her paranoia kept escalating and one day she stormed into my room and started screaming in my face because i made a comment about being disappointed in something a family member of mine said, but apparently the comment infuriated her because how dare I have feelings about my family when hers was going through a hard time, I was a terrible friend and a selfish person, etc, etc. I literally just sat there staring at her while she raged, and then she actually threatened physical violence and that was pretty much the last straw of what I was willing and able to put up with. I packed my things and left, and advised my ex-roommates co-signer to put in a thirty day notice on the apartment. My act of establishing a boundary and leaving sent her into an absolute rage. I have even had to cut mutual acquaintances out of my life because I discovered she is trying to use them to get information about me; where I am living now etc, and with her being a potentially dangerous person right now I am not comfortable with her having any of that type of information.
Basically its a hot mess and my ex-roommate is very focused on me and on trashing me and trying to figure out some way to get revenge on me or something – and I am minimally paying attention to any of it at all. I have been using this whole situation as an opportunity to completely revamp my life. I have decided to finally go after my dream job. Move to a place I really want to be. I have recommitted myself to creative writing; a passion of mine that I had put on the back burner over the last five years or so because other things got in the way. I have chosen to cut anyone out of my life who is negative or brings me down and focus only on positive people and work on getting closer to my family. I have truly walked away from this situation in a way that I never really could in the past and Im proud of myself for how I have handled this and how instead of focusing on “oh my god my life is falling apart” I am looking at it like, “Yes, I get to rebuild my life the way I want it” because i am finally able to recognize that my first obligation is to myself and my own happiness rather than trying to do favors for everyone else and then having stuff like this happen.
The way I have handled this makes me feel like I have truly grown as a person, grown up, and made good choices for myself for once and as long as I keep being positive, life can only get better from here on out. 🙂
[ NOTE : I won’t be able to do these dailyblogs for the next two or three days, I will be in the process of moving into my new place and I have to get organized and get wifi up and running etc, so blogging will be on the back burner until I feel settled! ]