This is about my workday today (er, yesterday technically since its after midnight.)
I share an actual office as in the actual room I am in with two other people. One of the other people was pet sitting another co-workers dog for the weekend; a ten month old husky mix whom she decided to bring to the office all day. A GIANT 10 month old puppy is… well, playful and distracting. Needless to say it was difficult to get actual work done because the dog just wanted to play all day long. I was okay with it because even when he started barking, I could keep my focus (unless he was Right by my head in which case his barks were so loud they actually almost hurt my ears.) but our other co-worker, a very passionate guy, was going crazy and losing his focus every time the dog barked (and this is, again, a huge, playful, 10 month old husky mix whom we then found out was actually a half husky half WOLF mix so that explains some of that…) he would lose his focus and as the day went on he was going more and more crazy about it.
He turned to me in the middle of the day when the dog was trying to hassle me and I was just pushing him away without really losing my focus and said, “You know, you’re a VERY chill person.”
And I kind of paused, because it had been a very long time since A) someone had said that to me, B) I have seen myself that way and C) it had been True.
The thing is, I AM a chill person most of the time. In a normal environment, I can pretty much go with the flow, take things as they are and trek along happily no matter what. A wolf in the office who keeps jumping on you and wanting to play and nibbling your arms? No problem, I can keep updating the data base and toss him a giant bone and scratch his head and push him off when he tries to jump on me all at the same time.
I am a very chill person, unless you offend me. Offending me is both very easy and very difficult at the same time. Act like you have a RIGHT to know anything about me or my life and you will offend me. Make assumptions about me or my life (which are 95% of the time going to be incorrect) especially without asking me and essentially making these assumptions behind my back, and you will offend me.
But be a decent, respectful human being and treat me as such and no matter what you said or do within that perimeter, I won’t be offended or upset. Have a suggestion on how I can improve on something? Go for it! I am not offended by suggestions and pointers. Bring wolves to work, cool, whatever. Throw a party in the middle of the day. If I am having an awful hair day and you want to tell me about some product but you think I’ll be offended, I won’t be. I KNOW I am having an awful hair day already and if you know of something that helps that I am not aware of, tell me!
I honestly am actually pretty difficult to offend as long as you are a decent respectful human being and thats literally ALL that I ask. Its when you talk about me or treat me like I am not a person with feelings just the same as you are that I get offended… when you pull the “Everything about what I do and feel is valid but everything you do and feel is stupid” card, get out of my life, you self involved brat >>>
… and the really awesome part is that right now, I don’t have anyone in my current life that treats me like that, at all. Literally everyone I see or talk to lately is nothing but kind and respectful. I don’t have to “work” to deal with any of my friends, and what I mean by that is that they don’t constantly accuse me of paranoid things or throw their self-indulgent baggage on me like I am a bellhop. I don’t have to allow ‘friends’ to treat me like shit in order to make them feel validated. Our respect for each other is mutual and equal. If they are going through something and need friends by their side, they know how to ask for that in a healthy way that doesn’t manipulate or guilt other people. They don’t talk crap about others behind their backs. They don’t switch loyalties based on personal convenience. They’re not perfect, just as I am not, but they live their lives respecting and valuing others and thats all I ask and all I want.
I’ve gotten into a good daily routine. I get up, shower, take my dog on her morning walk and get coffee. I come back, eat breakfast and go to work. I come home from work, take my dog on another walk. I make dinner. I either settle in for an evening of writing, or I meet up with friends. Sometimes its both because sometimes I meet up in a cafe with friends for the purpose of writing. One of the many great things about my job, besides the fact that I genuinely enjoy what I do, is that when I get off of work, I don’t feel physically and mentally exhausted. I actually feel energized and I am still up for whatever else the night has in store.
I love living alone. I love the privacy. I love not having to pick up after/clean up after anyone but myself and my dog. I love my high ceilings and my wood floors. (HAVING NO CARPET IS AMAZING, I FUCKING HATE CARPET) I love my stainless steel appliances. I love the fact that I am living in a gorgeous downtown building that I shouldn’t be able to afford but miraculously, I can because of incredibly awesome stumbled-upon circumstances. My unit is small and cozy, but classy and nice. I love the lounges and the huge TV rooms and the gym ALL IN MY BUILDING. I love that I have to take an elevator up to the floor I live on and when I look out of my windows, the city around me is small and low. (I live on the seventh floor.) I love stepping out of my building and having immediate access to cafes and venues and busses and trains because IT IS LITERALLY DOWNTOWN. I love walking to the next block and in that short distance, I pass a guy with a huge easel set up on the bridge painting, a guy wearing a kilt, someone who smells really bad (okay I don’t love that part but) people suspiciously hanging out on the street, people handing out flyers for whatever environmental cause they support, people asking for money, people giving away money, and everyone no matter how quirky or causey or artsy has a place here. The city does not judge and does not involve themselves in business they are not invited into. People are open. You can be social when you want and you can have your privacy respected at the same time.
I’ve been saying for a long time that a persons behavior is a direct reflection of their environment. The drastic change in how I feel about life and the world in just the last three months is absolute, solid proof of that. Being around and/or dealing with people that are absolute jackasses to me all the time made me defensive and having to look over my shoulder at the nasty little shits to stalked my every move and foamed at the mouth waiting to twist anything and everything I said or did in order to try and justify their flabbergastingly cruel behavior toward me – it was an emotional burden the size of Texas pushing down on my shoulders every waking minute. Drawing a line, saying ENOUGH and cutting people out of my life who didn’t deserve to be in it changed not just my life or my surroundings, but it changed me.
And you know what, B was right. I AM a chill person. :).
Kell Frillman - Author 