The most important thing I have learned about happiness and self-validation is that other people who feel the need to try to compare themselves to you to feel better about themselves can’t even remotely touch you, they just look silly.
I am very grateful for the love I have in my life right now. Its amazing how quickly my life turned around just by putting my foot down and refusing to accept someone’s negativity as a part of it any longer. The walls you always feel surround you when you are depressed, they’re just in your head and I know that doesn’t make it all better, or easier, but when you finally reach a breaking point where you force yourself to push past them and take action to achieve the life you want, true happiness makes all of the negativity melt away.
I have amazing friends in my life right now. All I had to do was ask for the good people in my past to allow me to be a part of their lives again and they were all too happy to be there for me again. We never had a falling-out or anything, our lives just went in different directions, but I found my way back to them and I’m thankful. Work? It is amazing. I have a comfy office job where we do something important to the world, we make a difference. And I get to play with and pet fuzzy animals at my computer desk all day long, as well as bring my own dog to work. The people that I work with are diverse and amazing. Gay, straight, transgendered, illustrators, writers, parents, musicians, you name it. We all have a shared passion for what we do at work as we rescue animals from high-kill shelters and help them and find them their forever homes, but we all have individual passions as well and I’m so proud that these people have become my friends. I am so thankful that in general, my friends are people who never say a bad word about another, at all. Its funny because if someone at the office is frustrated, they choose their words SO carefully so as not to put anyone down or trash anyone, as if doing so is toxic, which it IS. They have such a collective respect for one another and its made a positive impact on me. I love having friends whom I honestly believe would not do anything to screw with me or hurt me. Even the person at work whom I work directly under who has become my fast friend, is SO careful even when he makes a suggestion to me about something, like he is so paranoid he is going to offend me or hurt my feelings when he has never said or done anything even remotely close to doing either of those things. I always assure him that his suggestions are never even close to offensive, but I also really take to heart and appreciate the fact that he CARES about if he would ever offend me or hurt my feelings. After all, a lot of my responsibilities are jobs he used to do so his advice is always welcomed. It just means a lot to me that he respects me enough to never want to impede, and thats how everyone at work is. So respectful of one another. So careful of the words they use even in moments of frustration. So focused on our collective passion and goal that its much more important than any differences we have. Its wonderful. Its something I will NEVER take for granted.
I love getting back to the roots of friendship; going to bonfires and just chatting, playing pool and having a few drinks at a small bar where everyone knows everyone, and not turning it into something you need to show off to others. Just fully emerged in the moment and in the people you are with and enjoying the moment for exactly what it is. I look forward to the rest of this week, a huge party and the opportunity to be goofy with friends during the premier of Jurassic World (COME ON CHRIS PRATT HAS A VELOCIRAPTOR ENTOURAGE NOTHING IS COOLER THAN THAT BYE) but really just enjoying the comradery etc. WICKED is coming next month, I literally cannot WAIT to see it ahh! Just so many little exciting things coming up that make me happy just for being what they are. Life is good. Finally. The things that matter to ME are the things I am being active with and thats the key to happiness. Just embrace the things that make you happy, period.
Tonight, I put the final nail in the coffin on my unresolved issues with my “adult-bully.” I wrote it all down, not out of anger or defensiveness because I purposely waited until those feelings passed. Instead, I was as open and honest as I could be about myself, my feelings, and how much this person has hurt me in the past while making it clear that I will never again allow them to have that same kind of power over my emotions. I couldn’t care less about if the person reads it, or if or how they respond because frankly, its not my concern. I wrote it to absolve myself of any type of residual resentment or pain and to just basically say “here’s everything you have put me through, i’m officially unloading it on your conscience to deal with and taking it off of mine forever. Have a nice life, bye.” It feels amazing to have reached a point where my anger toward this person has mostly dissolved. Their negativity is no longer my problem or my concern. I attribute the people I am around every day to helping me through this, even if I have never discussed it with them in any type of detail. Them just being kind and positive and encouraging to me and my dreams has contributed to my healing, and the positivity in my present is so much more worth my time than the negativity in my past.
General Life lessons :
There’s no sense and nothing to gain by comparing your life to anyone else’s. Your life is only better than someone else’s if you are happier, and its never about external circumstances; money, fame, what famous person you can get attention from for five minutes, what concert you saw, what clothes you bought, or anything else. Happiness is definitely in the hands of the individual and its an internal way that yo view yourself and the world around you. Happiness comes from acceptance, both self-acceptance and acceptance of the world. It comes from embracing the good things and pushing away the negative. I have found general happiness simply by loving myself, respecting myself, getting rid of anyone who is negative or who provokes negative behaviors or feelings from me and embracing what life has to offer.
Life will suck sometimes. Thats an unavoidable fact. When it does, don’t try to pretend otherwise. ALWAYS be honest with people about how they have made you feel, both good and bad. It doesn’t matter how they respond, it only matters that YOU have made the effort to say “Hey, you hurt my feelings” rather than “You’re a f-cking ugly bitch.” Push past your anger, respond with open honestly, and then wash your hands of them and never give them the power to hurt you again. You are responsible for your own soul and conscience so do whatever you need to clear it and don’t let yourself be responsible for anyone else’s. If someone wrongs you and won’t apologize, its their conscience they have to sleep with, and their consequences on the day of their death, not yours.
Help people if they ask for it and help people if they clearly need it, but never stick your nose where it does not belong. NEVER pass judgement on another because you have NO idea what shoes they are walking in.
Don’t feel the need to be negative toward those who are negative to you, just feel pity for them that they feel the need to put someone else down in order to feel better about themselves. Keep them in a distant part of your thoughts and wish that they will someday find a better way to deal with their own negativity, but don’t ever turn that into your responsibility.
Have boundaries. Know where to draw the line between supporting someone going through a hard time, and not letting that person use you as an emotional dumping ground. Have compassion and empathy but respect yourself enough to expect others to respect you, too. Live and let live. If someone’s choice is not harming you or others, don’t ever put them down for said choice, whether you personally understand it or not. Have respect, and pride for people who dare to be their true selves even in the face of unjust judgement, and if you face judgement for being your most authentic self, defy it because there WILL be people out there who will love and support you NO MATTER WHAT. Show the world you can shine against any and all odds.
If you can’t let go of something negative someone said about you (and sometimes, its very hard to) use it as fuel to better your life rather than a barrier which to hold you back. Say to yourself, “You say I can’t do this? WATCH ME!” And then DO IT and when you do, its okay to be proud of yourself and its even okay to say “Nahh nah nah nah nah!” for a moment at the people who tried to discourage you. But ultimately, do it for yourself above others because again, thats what leads to true happiness.
By the way? I WILL achieve my dreams. And its going to happen soon. And when it does, I am going to be so fucking proud of myself and my accomplishments that I won’t even think on or remember anyone who told me I wasn’t good enough. I AM good enough, I AM worthy, I DO deserve happiness, I DO deserve success, and I will NOT stop until my dreams come true.
And I want to hear every single person I care about saying the same exact thing. 🙂
Peace out, girl scouts!
Kell Frillman - Author 