For the sake of blogging and self-exploration and contemplation, I answer a question a day off of this list.
Today’s question : What is the most defining moment of your life thus far?
There’s literally no possible way that I can pick just one moment. Instead, I can simply point out that there are two different kinds of defining moments; the moments that hit you like a sledgehammer and the instant those moments are upon you, you know you will never be the same – and the moments that seem small, subtle and even forgettable, but when you look back on them you realize that without that passing moment you wouldn’t be the person you are.
I’ve had quite a mixture of both types of defining moments. Some are very unpleasant childhood experiences that I don’t need or want to write about, some are typically obvious moments such as my parents divorce (and the immature war I was caught in the middle of for five years after), or when my relationship with my ex-fiance fell apart and I was broken, devastated and lost everything I had thought my life would turn out to be at the time. Those were all things that happened -to- me.
Then there’s the life choices I consciously made for myself that ended up helping to define who I am. Moving from one state to another. Even my last blog where I talk about the choice I made a year ago to cut out any and all negative people from my life and to never let any new ones in. Relationships I got into. Friendships I invested myself in. And on, and on, and on.
The thing is, the reason I can’t pick one “defining moment” is because there isn’t one. Defining moments happen every single day. It’s the butterfly effect, something as simple as deciding to quit drinking soda can drastically change the person you end up to be five years down the road. Small seemingly insignificant choices, even the ones you’ve forgotten that you’ve made, can end up being extremely defining down the road.
So you can deal in one of two ways. You can either get paranoid about every small choice you make and endlessly theorize over the ways in which it will define your life, or you can just live for today, make the best choices you can, and not allow yourself to worry too much about the future. Focus on being a good person. Focus on being true to yourself. Accept the things you can’t change and the choices other people make that define your life, you can’t stop them or change them. If something you did ended up not working out in the long run, don’t make that same choice twice. Notice I said choice, not mistake.
That’s the road I take, at least. There’s a lot of people I could resent. There’s a lot of choices I’ve made that I could beat myself up for. There’s ways I wish my life was different, some not in my control at all, some might have been in my control at a point in the past but you can’t go back and change the past, you can ‘t know today what you will know tomorrow. Give yourself a break. Don’t overthink too much.
Don’t define your life, period. You are fluid, you will change in little ways every single day for a variety of different reasons. That’s okay. That’s life. That’s EVERYONE’s life.
Kell Frillman - Author 