Soooo my weird dream saga continues…
I had a few different odd dreams last night but only one has stuck in my memory since waking. I was at a giant hospital to see my regular doctor. (Although, my regular doctor has a quaint office that is not in a hospital.) I went up to this huge desk and asked to see her. The woman at the desk sneered (my doctor is a naturopath) and told me that if I wanted to see my doctor, I would have to pay an enormous co-pay. I was miffed because although I knew I’d owe a co-pay, I knew she was full of crap in what she was asking of me and she was trying to rip me off as “revenge” for resenting that my doctor was working there. I refused to pay her what she was asking, and so I didn’t get to see my doctor.
For some reason I had two of my pets with me, Lily (who is quite often with me when I am out and about) and one of my kitties, Rue. I gathered up my things in a huff and started to make my way out of the hospital.
Only, I was being followed by a group of girls. (They worked for/at the hospital though I couldn’t tell you what their actual jobs were.) I ignored them at first, but they started getting quite aggressive with harassing me. They started surrounding me and taunting me (I can’t remember anything they were specifically saying) and suddenly they kind of jumped me and stole my purse, AND my cat, Rue. I had no idea how I was going to get home, I was quite annoyed about my purse being stolen but my cat was an entirely different story, you don’t steal someone’s CHILD.
No one around us had seemed to notice the girls surrounding me, harassing me and even stealing my things, but when I realized they’d taken Rue, I tackled one of the girls to the ground. Immediately they started screaming and trying to get the people around us to believe that they were “victims” and that I was crazy and had attacked them out of nowhere. I was genuinely freaked out at this point because they had followed me from the inside of the hospital, surrounded me, taunted me and stolen things from me, but I knew that if they cried wolf people would believe them. (I “knew” this because unfortunately I have a past in which I have been victimized in this manipulative way more times than I can count.) I woke up before anything else transpired.
Here’s the thing : Dreams in which I’m being attacked/bullied/whatever you want to call it, and then turned into the “bad guy” by the very people attacking me if I stand up for myself in any way, are no stranger to me because said incidences in real life have pretty much traumatized my ability to trust in others, etc etc, cue the violins, whatever.
But, I have NO IDEA what is triggering these dreams to “flair up” lately as nothing in my life is going wrong, no one is currently attacking me or harming me. Who knows, maybe that’s the very issue, that everything is going really well and I’m not used to that, I’m used to being attacked and having to either duck and cover or swing back, metaphorically speaking and maybe my subconscious doesn’t trust that things are going well for me so it’s trying to remind me, or, something. Ugh, psychology.
Either way, I’d really appreciate it if these dreams could stop because I’d like to actually enjoy my nice, cozy life without the anxiety of having tossy-turny sleep and feeling uneasy about not knowing why I’m having this “flair-up” of dreams that remind me of past traumatizing victimization experiences.
Kell Frillman - Author 