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For the sake of blogging and self-exploration and contemplation, I answer a question a day off of this list.
Today’s question : If you looked into the heart of your enemy, what do you think you would find that is different from what is in your own heart?
This is a tough question because I want to throw out an immediate answer that only took a fraction of a second to come to mind, but I’d like to be the better person in trying to at least consider the possibly that even though the person who comes to mind’s actions are mind-blowingly offensive, that somehow, someway that I can’t comprehend or articulate, her actions weren’t maliciously intended. I’ll be honest, I believe they are, but I know there’s a possibility that in some weird, twisted way, I could be wrong about that.The things this person has said and done have made her literally the most offensive person I have ever come across in my entire life and that’s a pretty bold statement to make, and yet one hundred percent true. I have not heard from this person in a year and the thought of them still fills me with disgust.
So the question is, what is in their heart that is not in mine and the answer, in my view, is intent. Looking beyond the specific details of the insanely offensive things this person has said and done is the impression she gives that she has some kind of right to do or say these things, that she doesn’t need to apologize or even really admit to them. There were times in the past myself, as well as others have attempted to do nothing but ask her, “did you actually say this? Did you actually do this?” She won’t flat out lie and say no, but she refuses to openly admit to things even when there is undeniable proof, and will deflect the confrontation. Maybe that shows some measure of understanding that she should feel guilty, that she knows she is doing something wrong, but I don’t know what’s worse, knowing you are doing something wrong and choosing to do it anyway, or having false arrogance that tells you it’s okay to treat people like crap and to believe you personally have the right to take it upon yourself to punish them for what you view as their own wrongdoings.
I am a flawed person. I am damaged. I have improved a lot, thanks to karma helping me out, but sometimes I will mess up. I NEVER intend to hurt others, though. That is NEVER my goal or my intent, and I can’t say I believe the same for my “enemy.” Her intent is malicious, harmful, and akin to the dangerous arrogance of Donald Trump. I am very glad that I can honestly say that even when I have hurt others, it has NEVER been my intent, and if someone lets me know I have hurt them I will listen, I will validate their feelings and I will apologize, no questions asked.
Kell Frillman - Author 