Instead of my typical list, I want to quickly write about something semi-personal that’s on my mind today.
If you want to live in the world, you simply can’t avoid the occasional Asshole. I wish that wasn’t the case because I’m a sensitive person with definite trigger-points, but it’s just a fact that there will be people you will run across that will treat you like crap.
The huge difference though between now, and my past, is that I now have people in my life who are truly here for me, who stand up for me, who aren’t afraid to stand up for what is right. I think about the people I used to consider friends in the past. Some of them would vent with me when I was upset, but if I wanted to “speak out” about some injustice, I was on my own, they simply weren’t willing because they didn’t want to deal with the backlash of actually standing up for what’s right, and they didn’t care enough about me to have my back if I decided to do so. I’ve also had friends in the past who would pretend to be there for me, but again, weren’t willing to stand up for me or for what’s right, and had no problem turning on me out when it became convenient for them. Even having “friends” I felt so alone because even if I didn’t want to admit it to myself, I knew they weren’t friends, I knew they weren’t the type of people that saw friendship the way I did and that made me feel very alone, and very vulnerable. Unfortunately, when people treat you poorly and they realize they can get away with it without consequences, they keep doing it over and over again. But when people realize they have to deal with people who care about the person they’re crapping on, they often realize that their behavior isn’t worth the hassle.
My life by no means is drama-filled, it’s actually fairly chill, just with the occasional unavoidable hiccup. But now the hiccups are exactly that, hiccups, and not explosions. Often, people have had my back before I even know something was going on to begin with and by the time it gets to me, it’s already been handled. Or, I stand up for myself, and regardless of anyone’s opinions about the situation, they respect how I handle things enough to let the issue fade away. I have the approach of “I’ve respectfully but honestly stated what I think / how I feel, how you react to it is your responsibility, not mine. I’m moving on.” It’s all a big difference from how things used to happen in the past, and although I still get anxiety, and obviously I don’t like it when something does arise, it’s squashed and handled a LOT smoother and with a lot less anguish before and I attribute that to the fact that I have people in my life who genuinely care about me now, and I care about them. We view friendship with the same sense of loyalty and of all of the things I’ve learned should be compatible for a successful friendship, views on loyalty is at the top of the list.
I don’t allow myself to forget that ultimately I never want to “need” someone else or depend on someone else, and I do think I can handle myself just fine, but again, it’s human nature to find comfort in knowing that you’re not alone in this world, and that your friends aren’t the kind of people who would betray you without a second thought if it was somehow convenient for them to do so. I’ve always felt very strongly in my views about friendship and I went through a very rough period where I felt like, “Does ANYONE care about friendship the way I do..?” I’m glad that I discovered, yes, yes they do.
Kell Frillman - Author 