DailyBlog : If My Life Was A Novel

** The first two books in my six part dystopian series have officially made their way out into the world! Check them out!
For the sake of blogging and self-exploration and contemplation, I’ve been slowly making my way through answering questions from this list.

Question Of The Day : If your life was a novel, what would be the title and how would your story end?

I’m sure some people have specific and exciting answers to this question, but I can honestly say that my life’s title would be “Untitled.” I don’t mean it would be untitled, I literally mean its title would be “Untitled.” My life is fluid. My core passions have and always will remain the same, but other things about me change as life changes me. I can’t tell you how many times over this past year I’ve vented on this blog and then deleted the vent instead of posting it, not because I give a crap what anyone else thinks, not because I fear some type of consequence for getting personal and blunt in my blogs, but simply because my feelings are for me now. I used to be much more open with others, and now I’m just very independent in every way, including emotionally. Granted, I was in different situations during times in my past where I did blog every single feeling and thought I had, I was being bullied and gaslighted and sabotaged and insert other dramatic but true words here, and I had a reason to spew the truth onto the page, but because my life is different now, I’m a much more private person and I’m more at peace. But I don’t know what I’ll be like two years from now, or five, or ten, just like I probably never would have known what my life would be like right now two, five, or ten years ago. So, “Untitled” it is.

How would my story end? On my own terms. I was just discussing with someone yesterday that I do NOT want to be old and decrepit, I want the choice of when my life is over. I don’t want to be stuck in a nursing home bedridden and having to have my depends changed. That’s not a life, that’s humiliation and I suffered humiliation throughout my childhood, I don’t ever want to depend on people like that again. (No pun intended.) If I get diagnosed with terminal cancer, if I get diagnosed with alzheimer’s, whatever the case could be, I want the choice to say when my quality of life is no longer okay for me, when my life will end. Maybe some people don’t agree with that and I don’t care, at all, because they’re not me, they haven’t been in my shoes. I’m actually one hundred percent at peace with knowing that my life may end at my own hands by my own choice someday, and I’m more than okay with “the story of my life” ending with “and she took her last breath on her own terms.”

 

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