DailyBlog : Pay It Forward

Sometimes the things people say stick with you. Sometimes they are good, inspirational words and sometimes they are words that cut. When words stick with me that were meant to put me down / hurt me / etc, I can’t really help the fact that they stick with me, but I do try to use that experience in a positive way.

From late 2013 to mid 2015 I was in a very bad place, both emotionally, financially, etc. A lot of things happened that threw me into a tailspin of depression. I needed to borrow money from some people just to get by.

Some people were understanding about the position I was in, while others held it over my head. Believe me when I say that those who were kind out of the goodness of their hearts have impacted me in such a positive and inspirational way, while others, well let’s just say that I’ve learned what kind of people they truly are. When you’re in a bad place, you really do learn a lot about true friendship. There is a difference between being generous because you’re a good person, and wanting the recognition but also not wanting to be personally inconvenienced, etc.

I’m lucky enough to be in a position where I’m doing meaningful work that I love, and getting a decent paycheck for it as well. Today two people needed some financial help with their pets, and I was able to help them both. I’m not looking for bragging rights and I’m not writing about that because I want a pat on the back. I literally had tears in my eyes being able to send these people money via PayPal because I am so fucking grateful that I’m in a position where I’m ABLE to help those in need. I’m so thankful that karma and fate and life has given me this opportunity. Sometimes we get caught up in the drama and idiosyncrasies of an imperfect existence and I’m no exception, but on days like this, I am humbled, and filled with nothing but gratitude. I’m so thankful that I’m able to ease the burdens on others the way others have helped ease my own. I’m thankful I’m able to pay forward kindnesses once shown to me.

Sometimes depression and anxiety get the better of me, but sometimes, the good moments win, too. Today I’m thankful. Today I choose to take a moment to remember and recognize the people that have made this life today possible, people that had no need or reason to give me the chances and opportunities that I’ve had. To my boss, who not only gave me a chance, but allowed me to speak my mind and still gave me a chance. To my co-workers turned friends whether they are still with this organization or not. I’ve made some amazing friends over the last few years that have reminded me that there are still some good people left in this world who wouldn’t step over others to get what they want. I’m even grateful for a city that holds on to freedom and kindness even in the wake of the return of nazis and racism in full-force. (Thankful that fate brought me back to this sanctuary city just in time!)

Sometimes we need to step back and just take a few moments to be filled with gratitude. I know I’ve said it a hundred times, but karma really does do it’s thing in its own time, and in its own way. You just have to find the strength to trust it.

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