DailyBlog : What Stands In The Way Of Happiness

** The first three books in my six part dystopian series have officially made their way out into the world! Check them out!
For the sake of blogging and self-exploration and contemplation, I’ve been slowly making my way through answering questions from this list

Today’s Question : What stands between you and happiness?

That’s a complicated question. When examining my current life as a whole I wouldn’t say that I’m unhappy, but I don’t know if I would use the word ‘happy’ either because I’m not even really sure what that does, or could potentially, mean. I feel like I’ve gotten a good handle on my life as far as knowing who I am, knowing my strengths and weaknesses, and finding things in every day life that bring me a sense of peace and bring a smile to my face.

But, when you have a painful past that has left scars that will always be a part of you, there’s always a part of your soul that feels tired, a bit discouraged at times, and has a hard time seeing good in the world when you dare to look past your own backyard. I think for the most part, I’m content in my life. I appreciate the good in my life, I’m thankful for the positive people and experiences. But there are things that will always weigh on my shoulders and I can’t help that. The best that I can do is try not focus on that weight or let it overwhelm me.

What stands between me and happiness? Maybe innocence. Maybe the loss of innocence.  I don’t remember a time when I’ve ever been happy in the way that some people describe it. I don’t remember a time when I had innocence or what that was like. But maybe that’s bull, and maybe happiness has nothing to do what challenges you’ve had to fight against in life. Maybe the only thing standing between me and happiness is the vague description of the word Happiness. Maybe it’s as simple as saying, “Well, I’m not UNHAPPY, so I must be HAPPY.” Maybe there’s not some gaping grey area between the two extremes. Hmm, that gives me some things to think about…

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