*** The first three books in my six-part dystopian series have officially made their way out into the world! Check them out!
For the sake of blogging, self-exploration, and contemplation, I’ve been slowly making my way through answering questions from this list
Today’s Question: What three questions do you wish you knew the answers to?
Oh boy, this could get heavy. (Insert Marty McFly here. “Heavyyyy.”)
1. “What is wrong with you?” I wish I could ask any human being this question and get a full, in-depth, completely honest answer. I don’t ask this to be an asshole and point out anyone’s differences; if anyone reading this knows me, I have differences of my own… don’t we all? But when I ask this, it’s because someone has said or done something so mystifyingly amoral or inexplicable that I can’t even try to weave together what may be going on in their head, and I genuinely want to know. Tonight I had someone unload on me for what to me seemed like a completely unprovoked reason, and I even apologized for apparently saying something upsetting to them, and I -still- got whiplashed. This would be a time where I would like to ask that question and receive a real, honest answer because I’m pretty sure that whatever happened had nothing to do with me and I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. But still, I’d like to know. This person wasn’t a close friend or anything so it wasn’t really a big deal, but it definitely caught me off-guard and I was absolutely perplexed.
2. “What is the origin of humanity?” There are so many different theories on how we came to be ranging from religion to science, but no one really KNOWS. I’d love to satisfy my curiosity because I believe that if we truly know how we came to be, we would have a better sense of ourselves. I feel like humanity tends to just stumble around in the dark and we feel so much but from a distance it doesn’t seem to have much meaning as a whole. Is that true? Is there a purpose that we serve that we do not have the intelligence to understand? I want to know, damn it! 🙂
3. “Why can’t my father apologize?” My father isn’t a bad person, but he does have a problem where he can never admit to anything serious that he did that was wrong or hurtful and he certainly can’t apologize for it. If I try to confront him about anything, he’ll deny that it even happened, or if he can’t deny it, he’ll turn it around on me so that I’m the bad guy for bringing it up. (Gaslighting.) “I don’t remember that.” / “That didn’t happen.” / “You’re remembering it wrong.” / “You’re not thinking clearly.” It feels so dismissive and emotionally manipulative even to this day so I have to keep our relationship superficial (“How was your day? How’s the weather?” etc) since I know that he can’t/won’t respond in a helpful way if I try to discuss anything deeper. I have come to halfheartedly accept that such behavior from him will probably be hurtful for the rest of my life, so all that I can do is avoid being put in positions where he reacts in that undesirable, yet predictable manner. Like a lot of psychological issues, I’m betting that his inability to accept responsibility and apologize doesn’t have anything to do with me, but that’s not how it feels and I just wish I was able to better understand so that it wouldn’t feel as crappy.
Yep, this one got heavy, Doc. Whew.