DailyBlog: What’s Beene On Your Mind Lately?

*** The first three books in my six-part dystopian series have officially made their way out into the world! Check them out!
For the sake of blogging, self-exploration, and contemplation, I’ve been slowly making my way through answering questions from this list

Today’s Question: What’s been on your mind most lately?

That’s a tough one because there hasn’t been one thing that’s been dominating my life or thoughts lately, a whole array of things have been going on, both externally and internally. The election is coming up and I’m very worried that if the piece of sociopathic trash “wins” (cheats) again, we’ll continue this downward spiral and I can’t imagine where we’ll be four years from now, but the bookstores who have been moving their dystopian section to current events have the frighteningly correct idea.

I’ve been failing to understand mental health and its effect on conscience lately. I want to be empathetic to everyone’s struggles because lord knows I have my own, and far more often than not, I am very empathetic, but when people lash out at others and hurt them and then refuse to take any responsibility for doing so at the behest of their mental health, well that’s just not something that I understand. I do understand that sometimes on very bad mental health days we say and do things that aren’t kind to others (I’ve been there, too), but we can’t just excuse the validity that we have hurt others by saying we were just having a bad mental health day. If we hurt someone, we hurt someone, and we need to accept responsibility for that. I know that I can’t force what seems like common sense to me upon others, but I find it frustrating. I empathize with people who are hurting, but I cannot condone lashing out and if I say to someone hey that’s hurtful and they don’t care, then I cannot continue to have them in my life. I feel bad that people like that alienate others and then suffer the loneliness of not having friends, but I have to have enough respect for my OWN mental health to draw the line at that type of toxicity. It’s just a complicated and emotional mess when things like that happen and then mutual friends have to deal with it is well.

I’m frustrated with myself about my failure to complete my fourth novel as I REALLY wanted to have it out before the end of the year, but I don’t think that’s going to happen. 2020 is HARSH. I just haven’t been in write-mode.

I’ve been riding my mare Ruby every Sunday, and then when I’m done riding, I put a newbie on her and teach a lesson. It’s helpful to teach because the things I notice on others from the ground help me to improve my own riding when I’m in the saddle. I got a new horse but he’s just fresh off of the track and I’m not ready to ride him yet. I’m not as brave as I was when I was a kid! (For a racehorse, he’s actually very well mannered though so I think he’ll be a semi-safe transition as long as I do it properly.) I need to get back into Yoga and I need to get back to the chiro because my scoliosis is definitely effecting my balance in the saddle and I feel like I have to work harder than most to maintain proper balance, which is important as I’m heavier and it’s hard on my horse if I’m not balanced properly. A lot to work on when it comes to my horses…

Today, I need to hop in the shower (I was SUPER LAZY this morning and spent hours cuddling with the animals, but they deserve the attention! It’s hard during the week when I work ten hour days to give them that quality time) and then I need to get to the stables to work with my new horse. He still doesn’t quite get lunging clockwise, common with racehorses when the track is counterclockwise. Then another work week, but I’ve at least been able to definitively block out some hours this week where I can solely work on media projects, we’ve been so busy in adoptions that I haven’t had adequate time for that stuff but I really need to work on reviving our brand on media, etc.

What else?! Oh — I dropped keto, again. I did it for a month and my body wasn’t going into ketosis which was beyond frustrating. I don’t quite know what to do yet other than make another doctor’s appointment and demand they figure my body out because they’re usually very dismissive of my diseases and don’t think it’s a big deal. I may be “healthy” for an overweight person, but I’d still like to lose some weight and my body just refuses. (I have severe Hashimoto’s.) I’m quite frustrated about all of that, but trying not to let it get me too down and to just develop a plan to feel better (regular exercise and yoga, though I have a hard time fitting those things in to my busy life. I need to try, though.)

Yep — what’s on my mind? Life. Daily life. Goals. Struggles. Fear for the bigger problems at large. Trying to focus on the smaller problems, the things that I can control. I think most people are feeling the same way right now. Just trying our best, day by day.

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