DailyBlog: When did I last lose my temper?

*** The first three books in my six-part dystopian series have officially made their way out into the world! Check them out!
For the sake of blogging, self-exploration, and contemplation, I’ve been slowly making my way through answering questions from this list

Today’s Question:  When was the last time you lost your temper?  About what?

About twenty minutes ago I yelled at my Yorkie, Delilah. I try not to do that because I do not like using any type of negative reinforcement, but she has a habit of being completely chill and then hearing someone walk by our window and letting out an ear-curdling bark that punches through the previous quiet like a bomb, and every time she does this, it jangles my nerves. Yelling at her is more of a reflex that I can barely control, a reaction to my nerves being jangled. I just yell, “NO!” I know it’s not positive, but to be fair, it does shift her focus from whatever she’s barking at to me instead which stops the barking, sooo…

I don’t lose my temper with humans, even when I really, really want to. I know that keeping my cool and not letting people antagonize me keeps me from getting into trouble, but I also know that there are consequences for repressing anger as well. Sometimes I lose my temper pretty horribly in my dreams. I SCREAM at people – a few specific, select people – and a few times I’ve even started physically pounding on them. I wake up pretty shaken after these dreams because I can still feel the uncontrollable rage boiling in my blood. These intense dreams don’t happen extremely often, but they tend to happen when I’m feeling extremely upset and frustrated with someone that I know will just gaslight me if I try to confront them, so I have to force myself to just shove my frustrations down and carry on with my life because I know that they’ll never accept accountability. I suppose if I need to let out my anger, dreams is the only safe place to do so.

Or maybe I should just invest in a punching bag at home, haha. At least that way, I can get a workout in the process.

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