*** The first three books in my six-part dystopian series have officially made their way out into the world! Check them out!
For the sake of blogging, self-exploration, and contemplation, I’ve been slowly making my way through answering questions from this list
Today’s Question: What makes you uncomfortable?
Oooh boy. I’ve had a lot of trauma and often struggle with PTSD so a lot of things make me uncomfortable, but I’ll pick one answer that isn’t uncomfortably personal, lol. Or is that betraying the honesty in answering a question like this? Hmm. This is a challenging one.
This question ^ makes me uncomfortable! I suppose the idea of revealing incredibly personal things about myself to the public makes me uncomfortable, which is a great deal of the reason that I’ve been exploring this list of questions in the first place. I have a lot of trauma in my past and I struggle with PTSD. Trauma inherently causes people to feel extremely alone and isolated. Its taken me a long time to really accept that my past doesn’t lessen my worth. It’s especially difficult at times to believe that when so many people have treated me, not only in my childhood and teen years but into my adulthood, like I was worthless, but when I stopped avoiding the reality of my past and started forcing myself to deal with it, I had to accept statistics – and numbers don’t lie – that prove that the things that I’ve gone through really aren’t all that unusual. Yes, that can be a very bleak aspect of reality (that my traumas are unfortunately so common) but at the same time, if one of four women have experienced something along the lines of what I have, when I’m walking down the street and passing random people, I know that I certainly don’t pass by someone else and feel like they’re “less than” so in reality, no one is doing that to me, either. Anyone who has treated me like that is reflecting their own problems, not MY problems. It’s easy to say that, but harder to honestly believe it. I’m working on it, every day.
I’ll say this much; although writing about my vulnerabilities still makes me uncomfortable, it gets just a bit easier every time. I’m definitely starting to appreciate and validate my worth a lot more than I used to, and I no longer let others define it for me. I think this whole “365 questions” journey has helped. I’ll always be a work in progress, but I’m always moving closer and closer toward truly being the person that I want to be. Even when I have bad days (yesterday was not a good day for me) I can pick myself up the next morning and continue on. Maybe down the line, asking me what makes me uncomfortable … won’t make me uncomfortable anymore. Hah.
Kell Frillman - Author 