Kell Frillman – Author

**As a belated 2015 New Years Resolution, I decided I would write a daily (or, almost daily, I know some days I just won’t be able to find the time) blog answering a thought provoking question from a long list of questions I found here in a quest of self exploration.

Today’s Chosen Question :
What’s a belief that you hold with which many people disagree?

This question makes me giggle because I mean, how can I pick just one? Doesn’t EVERY belief have a counter-argument that a lot of people believe in, hence disagreeing with you? Where do I even begin to try and pick something singular to discuss… I am agnostic so the irony of that is that people who do believe in God disagree with me, and people who don’t believe in God disagree with me, too! I am VERY strongly pro-choice and people who are pro-life obviously disagree with me.. thats a good one to discuss.. but I think the thing that I have met a LOT of disagreement with is something else entirely.

I had this friend in High School named Laura. REALLY fun, crazy person. Hanging out with her you had no clue what shenanigans you would end up getting into and it was exciting.

Laura had a lot of issues. I have no idea what most of them were because she didn’t openly talk about them, but hanging out with her was always an adventure you couldn’t possibly prepare for ahead of time, and it would leave you with wild stories to tell later on down the road.

Sometimes Laura would make up incredible stories that were obviously complete fabrications. For example, once she showed me a picture of a toddler that was obviously herself in a bathtub when she was little, but she told me that she had a secret daughter that her parents didn’t know about who lived with and was being raised by some of her friends. Then she had a darker story about how she had another baby once, a boy and I cant remember who or how or why but he got shot in the head. Obviously disturbing but still… I was just like, eh, its made up and the girl has issues. But I just nodded and listened anyway. They were obviously tall tales and I knew it, but I just nodded sympathetically and let her spin her stories. I was never offended by her compulsive lying, it was never malicious or mean, it was just… something she did, and I don’t know why but I assumed there was some reason, something going on inside of her that she wasn’t ready to face or deal with and thats how she handled it. I can relate in a way. I am a creative writer who hopes to make a career out of fabrications one day. I create fake worlds too and really the only difference between a liar and a writer is that we are open about the fact that we make up characters and worlds and its socially acceptable. I never took Laura’s fake stories personally, never called her out, never judged her. It just honestly did not bother me at all.

After High School I went out of state for college and her and I lost touch, I have no idea where she ended up in life but when I think back on our friendship I have good memories, I miss her, and I just kind of laugh a little at all the tall tales she would spin. It never bothered me then, and doesn’t bother me now. I don’t really care what people lie about to be honest as long as they are not harming/screwing me in the process.

Over the last years i have seen people get absolutely psychotically enraged at “liars” as if spinning a tall tale is literally the worst and most evil thing another person can do, and if “caught” they are subject to constant and never-ending ridicule, bullying and sabotage. Maybe its just because I have been through a lot worse from people than hearing some tall tales, but I am not nearly as bothered by that type of behavior as most people seem to be. I guess I just take a LOT of things from people in stride, because we all have pasts, and demons, and issues we aren’t ready to face or things we want to hide from others for countless reasons. Theres different kinds of lies obviously, and when people do it to be malicious and cruel thats another story, but from what I observe, people who are hell-bent on hating liars don’t really seem to stop and pay attention to the distinction between what kind of lies a person is telling or why. I have seen people get in other peoples business and attack them over harmless lies constantly and I just sit there and think, really, who is getting hurt? Aren’t there other things you could focus your time on than feeling like you have some duty to expose someones silly lie? Its obviously a HUGE deal, as it should be, if a fifteen year old tells some guy she is 21, but is it a big deal if you meet a girl in a bar who says she’s 26 if she’s really 32? Does that dramatically change everything? You’d probably be hard pressed to find a girl in California who doesn’t lie about her age. Not just with lies, but with behavior in general, I personally try and look at the persons actions and figure out what they are trying to accomplish before I allow myself to judge them.

Like the question says, this is a belief I know a lot of people disagree with because I have seen how crazed people get over liars, but if its not done with malicious intent, I honestly don’t care. I have far more important things to be concerned about.