*** The first three books in my six-part dystopian series have officially made their way out into the world! Check them out!
For the sake of blogging, self-exploration, and contemplation, I’ve been slowly making my way through answering questions from this list
Today’s Question: If you could go back in time and tell a younger version of yourself one thing, what would you tell?
This is a surprisingly difficult question to even think about, much less write down a cohesive answer to! I’ve been through some awful experiences throughout my life and it’s so easy to say, “Of course I’d warn myself about this ahead of time!” but at the same time, those awful experiences have shaped the person that I am today, and I like and respect the person that I’ve become. Without having gone through the things that I did, would I be compassionate? Would I be gentle? Would I be doing the work that I currently do? Would I know and understand how important it is to lift people up, to be there for others, to know when someone, even when acting out unfavorably, really needs someone to be understanding with them instead of judgmental?
Don’t get me wrong; I’m far from perfect and I’ve made many mistakes. It has been a long and bumpy road to get where I am today.
Okay – I think I’ve got it. There are many painful and crappy situations that I’ve been through that I hesitate to consider warning my younger self about because I feel like in the end they made me a better person, but if I could tell a younger version of myself ONE THING, I would go back to age 20/21 and tell myself to speak up more for a relationship that I almost had until circumstances beyond our control made it inconvenient and things just never quite happened for me and that one other person. We had this amazing connection, and unlike other people/relationships, it was a somewhat healthy one… we were good for each other as close friends, and maybe we would have been good for each other in a relationship, too, but sadly we never got to find that out. Occasionally I still find myself wondering if my life would have turned out different if we would have had a real chance, but I let that person go without a fight because at the time, I didn’t have great self esteem, and it seemed like it would be too difficult and too risky to try. The whole cliche “I don’t want to lose the friendship” thing played a part in my hesitation, as well. I would advise myself to fight harder for that person. I try very hard not to dwell on “what if’s” in life because what’s done is done, but there will always be a tiny part of me that sometimes thinks about the “what if” when it comes to that person. Had we had a chance to develop a relationship, I likely wouldn’t have ended up in the disaster-relationship that happened when I was 22 that changed my whole life. A lot of things spiraled downward for me due to that… so, yeah. That’s my choice. I would fight harder for that other person. Maybe they would have wanted to give things a real try. Or maybe not… but at least I would have the resolution of knowing that I tried, and that I was honest with them, and I did everything that I could.