*** The first three books in my six-part dystopian series have officially made their way out into the world! Check them out!
For the sake of blogging, self-exploration, and contemplation, I’ve been slowly making my way through answering questions from this list
Today’s Question: What life lessons did you have to experience firsthand before you fully understood them?
I could write an entire memoir on this topic! I’m a person who has never taken anyone at face value, even as a young child. My parents attempted to raise my Catholic but before I was even a teenager I knew that I didn’t agree with its teachings because when I asked “Why?” I was never given an answer that made sense and was synonymous with other supposed beliefs of said faith. (As an adult I’m very much agnostic.) But because I’ve always been like that, I’ve had to experience everything for myself in order to learn and grow. It’s just how I am as a person.
I suppose the biggest and most cliche lesson that I had to learn the “hard way” was be the change that you want to see in the world. It took me a long time to accept that nothing I say or do will EVER make someone else be kinder, be a better person, or hold themselves accountable for the ways in which they hurt other people.
Due to childhood trauma I never used to know how to stand up for myself, and then when I found my voice, I was EXTRA LOUD. I figured if I made a big enough fuss, people that have done cruel things to me would eventually have to take responsibility, right? ….Wrong. The bigger fuss that I made, the more I was gaslit.
It took me a while to find that “middle ground” between standing up for myself, and refusing to give energy to people that chose to treat me as if I was less than. Instead, I just learned to turn my back on those types of people and to focus my energy on being positive and kind to others. Karma eventually would catch up to people with ill intentions. If I’m disappointed in how someone is treating me, I just make it a goal to treat someone else far better than I was treated. I try to be the kind of person to others than I wish others were to me. The good part is I definitely DO have some people in my life who treat me with kindness, and that’s more worth focusing on than the people who don’t. Eventually we all get what’s coming to us. I’ve learned to just focus on myself and on the person I want to be, and allow karma to clean up the damage done by others. That lesson has given me a certain level of peace.
Kell Frillman - Author 